New Characters for Dissidia 012

I apologize that I have a prequel to the turd that was Dissidia under my spotlight, but you must understand how interested in it I am now that Lightning and TIFA are in the game. I know, that's old news. I haven't reported here in a long time, that's why. So here is the lineup of new characters:

• Lightning
• Kain
• Tifa
• Laguna
• Vaan (Wait a minute, WTF?)

Yeah, Vaan is in the game too. I think I mispelled his name... let me check... right, on the list I originally put Vann, not Vaan. His name isn't that important, so lets move on. So first we have Lightning, the star of Dissidia. I don't care about the Warrior of Light, because he is a fail robot character, a machine without a human purpose. Firion is also weird: "A dream of a field full of roses." Get the hell out of here, Firion, if you are not going to take this seriously. The Onion Knight is not really a bad character, but I hate him for being the epitome of spam, and the game's hero cannot be a spambot. Bartz is a failure, Terra is cool... huh, I guess she could be in competition with Lightning here, Cloud is retarded in Dissidia. "Why am I fighting?" Get the hell out of here. Squall is alright, I guess, but there's just something about FFVIII that I just don't like about it. Zidane is annoying, and Tidus is even more so with his horrible voice acting. Shantotto is not even a protagonist, and she comes from FFXI, an mmorpg that charges you money  even after they release ANOTHER mmorpg named FFXIV (they just keep wasting away the numbers in their series), so therefore she is eliminated as a possible central character. Vaan makes Zidane look like a god and Tidus the Auron of this game, and that is really saying something. Trufax: Vaan sucks soooo much that his weapon is the worst weapon in all of FFXII, which is the mythril sword that pointlessly drops after you defeat the hardest boss in the game.

Oh, wow, and of course there's Cecil, who fails so hard in Dissidia that I completely forgot about him. As for the other new characters, they can't be protagonists either. Kain has that same stupid class switching that Cecil has, which utterly crippled him in Dissidia, so I wouldn't doubt that it will do the same to Kain. Laguna can't be the protagonist for two reasons: 1) he comes from FFVIII, and 2) his storyline in the game seemed irrelevant to me, for the quarter of the game that I played. As for Tifa... you know what, yeah, she'll share the spotlight with Lightning because 1) she's a chick, and 2) she kicks just as much ass, but without a weapon :D

Last of course, you have the villains. But what sense does it make to make them protagonists? Absolutely none, that's for sure. For now, I don't want to say much, so I am just going to leave with a couple of new gameplay videos where my two girls get raped by idiots.